Money CAN Buy Happiness
by Daughter Mestizo
Summary: Can happiness be bought? Link is getting desperately lonely and doesn't have the time to think about it. But breaking one of the world's worst taboos? He has no idea what's coming now. YaoiSlash.
1. Introduction

Author: Daughter Mestizo

Rating: R

Pairing: Link/Raven, very brief Link/Zelda, just as brief Link/Sheik

Setting: A modern city. Crowded, almost always busy.

Disclaimer: No, I still don't own Legend of Zelda or the characters. Just a little longer...

WARNING: Contains not only an intimate homosexual relationship, but also twincest! Just in case you don't know what that is, it's twins

involved in a romantic and possibly sexual relationship with each other. If you are ignorant enough not to read something labelled warning in

large letters, or inconsiderate enough to read it and flame me anyways, let it be known that nothing of the sort will be tolerated!

All flames will be made fun of or completely ignored!

IMPORTANT: This is not a Mary-Sue of any sort. Raven IS a Zelda character. He does appear in any of games, but he is a main character in the Oracle of Ages manga, as Link's ancestor.

* * *

"If you don't mind my asking, how did your last relationship end?"

Link squinted slightly and his nose wrinkled.

"Relationship?" he was puzzled, "What kind of relationship do you mean exactly?"

"A personal relationship," replied the man sitting across from Link. He tapped his notepad absentmindedly with his pen, "Have you ever had a girlfriend? A wife perhaps? That sort of relationship, intimacy you might say."

"No," Link shook his head to emphasize his point, "I've never had anything like that. I've never even asked a woman out before. But what does that have to do with anything?"

"Hmm...it may be part of your problem," Dr. Gaebora pointed out, "Over the weeks that you've been coming to me, I've gathered that your depression may be caused by loneliness. Not all of it, of course, or you wouldn't be on the medications; but you've described to me a life completely devoid of anything truly social."

"So, are you going get all 'You need a girlfriend' on me, or what?" Link rested his chin on one hand, his eyes never leaving the doctor.

"Well, no, of course not," Dr. Gaebora seemed only vaguely taken aback, "I'm not going to put pressure on you, that wouldn't help at all. I'm only trying to make a suggestion. I've treated a lot of people who've used companionship as a cure, and it has worked! All I'm saying, in the end, is perhaps, when you go back to work today, try and speak to someone. Do you perhaps have a good-looking secretary?"

The doctor chuckled, obviously trying to have a bit of fun, for his patient's sake. Link laughed along, although he was not amused. Dr. Gaebora continued,

"Invite someone to dinner. If it's a woman, tell her it's not a date. Just a get-together. If it goes well, I can pretty much guarantee you'll feel better! What do you have to lose?"

Link shrugged.

"Thank you for the suggestion, doctor. I'll try it out, though being alone has never hurt me before."

They shook hands, and Link left the office and walked to where his car was parked in the lot.

* * *

"Hello, Zelda," Link walked past his secretary's desk and set his briefcase on his own desk.

"Welcome back, Link," Zelda smiled, "How're things?"

"Hm? Oh, fine for now, thanks. Any calls?"

"None over the phone. Ms. Malon from downstairs came to see you. She's having a little socialite gathering on the weekend to celebrate Mr. Ingo's promotion. You're invited, as am I and practically everyone else as well. Will you come? Please?"

Dr. Gaebora's suggestion stopped Link from responding with his usual, immediate 'no'. He _did_ have a good-looking secretary. She was one of the few women Link knew that didn't exploit her body through overly-tight clothing, and he had known her for a long time. Perhaps...?

"I'll think about it, I suppose," Link answered slowly. His heart wasn't in this, "When will you be getting there?"

Zelda blinked in surprise.

"Me? Oh, I'll probably go around 3 in the afternoon. Why do you ask?"

"Um...do you need a ride? Your car is in the shop isn't it?"

"Yes, it is actually. A ride would be lovely! So nice of you to offer--"

The phone rang. Zelda answered dutifully.

"Yes, he's here right now."

Link scooped up the phone at his desk and let out a long breath. His heart _still_ wasn't into it, but it was a long ride from Zelda's house to Malon's, and he was somehow curious as to how it would go.

* * *

Two days later, Link and Zelda were driving along a narrow, country road together. Zelda had spent the first ten minutes trying to spark

conversation by admiring Link's car. As much as Link actually wanted to keep the conversation going (a change from the norm), he had really nothing to say. Zelda wasn't particularly put out, she was used to this after all. She simply leaned against the window and let the road fly by.

_This isn't working_, though Link, concentrating overly hard on the road.

"That's a lovely vest."

Zelda looked up.

"Why thank you! It's so hard to find clothing that fits your body rather than the day's style, don't you think?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. It's so weird what some people are into, huh?"

"It can be terrible. Oh look! There's the turn-off already!" Zelda pointed to a fork in the road about 20m ahead.

"Thanks, I would have missed that,"

"Not a problem!"

Link risked a quick smile at her. Zelda looked flattered. She had received such smiles before, but never from Link. She smiled back, sweetly.

* * *

Less than an hour later, Link had given up on Zelda. He just didn't have those feelings for her. He had spotted one of his junior colleagues, Saria. Yes, he had always liked her quite a bit, why not?

Swirling a glass of wine nervously, he made his way over to where Saria was standing.

"Hey. Tough week, wasn't it?"

"Dreadful. I had _so_ much paperwork to fill out, I could _not_ sleep at all. I'm so glad it's the weekend, can you believe it? Sometimes I wish

work was slower, just so we weren't so weighed down! Don't you agree?"

"Uh...no" Link didn't mean it, but he turned around and walked away quickly. _Too flirty_, he realized. _I should have thought of that before_.

He sighed and sat back down on the couch.

"May I speak with you a moment?"

Link glanced up. Another one of his colleagues, a young man named Sheik whom he didn't know so well, was standing in front of him, looking down over the collar of his turtleneck.

"Uh, sure," Link didn't quite know why Sheik would want to talk to him, but he followed Sheik out of the living room.

Sheik led Link through the hallway, turning a corridor, another corridor, then walking into a room. Not once did he stop to check that Link was still following him. He seemed to have something important to say. Link walked into the room and jumped when he heard the door shut very suddenly behind him. Large globs of wine splattered onto the floor, angering Link slightly.

"What exactly do you need to talk about?"

Sheik pulled the collar of his turtleneck down from his mouth and took a sip from his glass, then offering to Link. The latter shook his head.

"Just tell me what you want."

Sheik cast a quick glance behind him, before taking two steps towards Link.

"You're a patient of Dr. Gaebora's, no?"

"How do you know?"

"He used to be my psychologist. He did a lot for me last year, not to mention the years before that. Every once in a while, I go to visit him. I saw you leaving his office a few days ago."

"What's your point?"

"May I ask you a personal question?"

Link said nothing, but looked at his colleague suspiciously.

"Are you gay?"

Link was a bit surprised at the question, but Sheik had meant it seriously.

"N-no,"

"I won't tell anybody."

"I'm not!"

Sheik darted forward and surprised Link again with a kiss on the lips. It was sensual, as Sheik slipped his arms around Link's waist and held him close. Through surprise, their mouths were both open, but Sheik made no move to enter. He rubbed one arm up and down Link's back before grabbing one of his hands.

Link's mind swirled. The wine had made Sheik's lips surprisingly warm, making the kiss all the more enticing. He himself was flushed, he could feel it. Although he was enraged by the sudden move, he knew his body was enjoying the moment, even if he wasn't. Sheik began to pull away, his tongue tracing Link's upper lip for a few seconds. He let go of Link's hand and motioned for Link to look at it, before meeting his eyes with a

lusting sort of gaze. Link tore his eyes away and opened his hand.

Inside was a small slip of paper. Looking quickly at Sheik first, Link opened it to reveal a neatly-written phone number.

"It's not mine. Not my number. But I think he can help you. I know you liked that kiss. So did I, but that's not important right now."

"Who is 'he'?"

Sheik gave a small smile.

"Do you remember me telling you about Dr. Gaebora?"

"Yeah,"

"Did he talk to you about relationships?"

"Sort of,"

"Then you have the same problem I did. Call that number, ask for Raven. He can help you."

"Who is he?"

"He'll tell you. I'm going home now. Just call him, he'll probably answer anyways. Would you like another kiss before I go?"

"No--no, thanks."

Sheik pulled the collar of his turtleneck up again and left the room. Link stayed momentarily, to avoid running into Sheik again. Who was this Raven? A matchmaker of some sort? He didn't trust them. Then again, if Sheik had been like him, and he had helped, maybe...it was worth a try.

Link left the party less than twenty minutes later. He had an important phone call to make.

To Be Continued!


	2. The Call

Link drove home alone; Zelda was getting a ride from Saria. He fiddled nervously for a while with the knobs on the radio, before finally settling on a station playing 'relaxing' music. Well, it wasn't helping. Luckily for Link however, country roads are not too busy at 9.30pm on weeknights, so his twitchiness wasn't causing anyone else a problem.

About forty minutes later, too long for Link, he pulled into his driveway and climbed the steps to his front door. He hung up his coat in the closet and settled into a chair to try and relax, but he was clutching the tiny paper rather tightly in his hand. Forcing himself to take some deep breaths, Link eventually calmed himself enough to move his hand towards the phone without shaking and pick it up. Holding the phone in one hand, Link unfolded the paper with his other and dialled the number. It took him longer than it should have; 10.30 at night is not a good time to call a wrong number, so he stopped to double check the numbers several times.

Then the phone started to ring.

Link was curling a free finger around the cord, something he had always considered rather girlish, but he didn't even take notice now. After about three rings, the phone was picked up at the other end.

"Hello?"

_A woman's voice? But I checked so many times..._

"I'm so sorry, I must have the wrong number. I apologize for bothering you at this ti--"

"Try me," the woman laughed lightly.

"I-I'm looking for Raven..."

"I thought so. You don't have the wrong number, I'm just his secretary. I'll get him for you."

"I'm not bothering HIM, am I?"

"Not at all. He takes most of his calls after dark anyways," more laughter, "He says he concentrates best at those times, if you can believe it. But just hold on."

"Sure."

Less than a minute passed, but it was enough time for Link to bite three of his fingernails.

* * *

Raven was sitting in a cushy, red armchair, sipping wine and flipping through a magazine. Every so often, his blonde bangs would slip in front of his eyes, and he'd have to set the wine glass down to brush them out of the way. It annoyed him sometimes, but he wouldn't trade his hair for the world.

The room was lit (if it could be called lit), by a fireplace opposite Raven. He surprised many people with his ability to see, and subsequently read, in relative darkness unaided. He shrugged their compliments off, it had come naturally to him. No practice whatsoever had been involved.

An thus, he found himself in his favourite, easily reading critiquing article on plastic surgery, in lighting which would by now have driven anyone else mad.

"Raven?" Louisa's silky-soft voice flittered through the air.

Raven looked up towards the door.

"Yes? Are you going home?"

"Well, yes, but there's a call for you."

"Ah,"

Setting his glass and the magazine down on the table, he got up slowly and made his way to the hall, where Louisa was politely holding the phone out to him. He took it with one hand and covered the bottom with the other.

"Thanks, love," he said, "Are you going home now?"

"Is there anything else for me to do?"

"Not that I can think of. Besides, you're already here two hours overtime. I couldn't possibly make you stay any longer."

She giggled.

"Alright, I'll go," Louisa picked up her coat and briefcase, and turned back to Raven, "It's a first time caller, and he sounds rather nervous. Go easy on him, ok?" Not that he wouldn't have anyways.

"Of course," Raven kissed her briefly on the cheek, and she walked out the door. Settling himself into Louisa's chair, he lifted his hand off the receiver and cleared his throat.

"Terribly sorry for the wait," his voice was moderately deep, and lulling. He would make a great father, if only for being able to sing lullabies.

"That's alright. This is Raven, isn't it?"

"It is. And who might you be?'

"My name is Link."

"Lovely," lulled Raven, and he meant it. All names that he had heard throughout his life were lovely to him. All of them. Except for George. He couldn't stand that name, "If you don't mind, how did you come across my phone number? I give it out to a precious few people."

"Oh. Well, a former patient of yours gave it to me, just a couple of hours ago, I think."

"I see...and this patient would be?"

"I don't think I should just tell you..."

Raven laughed. Though it was not mockery whatsoever, Link still lapsed back into terrifying nervousness. He had this dread feeling that he was talking to some kind of prostitute, rather than any sort of doctor. Raven spoke again.

"Trust me, it's alright. If he_was_a client, then I know him already." Not that all his clients were male, but Raven just knew, somehow.

"Um, his name's Sheik."

"Ah yes! I remember him well. How is he?"

"We don't talk much. He seems fine."

"Excellent. Well, what can I do for you, Link?"

"I-I'm not sure actually. Sheik told me nothing except that you could help me. And your name, he told me that too. But nothing else. I'm not even sure what you _do_. I'm assuming you're some kind of doctor?"

That laughter again.

_Insinuating_

"Yes, I am a doctor. Though judging by your voice I can tell you've never met one like me before. In any case, actually using the word 'doctor' may prove misleading. Rather, call me a therapist."

"Um, sure."

"May I ask you a personal question, Link? I can assure you anything of that sort I ask you has to do with my profession."

"Alright then..."

"Are you gay?"

"Shei--No. No, I'm not."

"What about Sheik? Did he ask you that this evening as well?" Raven almost laughed, but decided against it.

"Yes, he did. Are you gay?"

"No, I'm very much bisexual. It's a lovely position. The best of both worlds, you could say."

"Oh. That's...neat. I'm not sure about myself, actually. I'm not really attracted to anybody."

"Interesting. You may be wrong, though. No offence intended, of course."

"None taken."

A silence. Link began slowly.

"What-what exactly do you _do_, as a doctor? Sorry, therapist."

"Ah. Yes, I suppose it would make sense for me to explain. But first, are you seeing anyone else? A therapist perhaps?"

"Yes. I'm seeing a Dr. Gaebora."

"Mm-hm. Yes, I know him. Let me guess, did he speak with you about relationships?"

"Yes, he did. How did you know?"

"He's very well known. Several of my clients see him."

Link started to wonder why Raven never said patients. Only clients.

"Actually, he told me to try and begin a relationship. That it might help ," he finished lamely.

"And that is where I come in."

"So you _are_ a matchmaker then!" a feeling of intelligence flew through Link, making him feel slightly less nervous. That is, until Raven began to laugh. Still not at Link, though. In fact, the laughter was almost comforting; it was rich and joyful.

"Good Lord, no!" Raven wiped a tear from one of his eyes, "my way is better."

"What way?"

"In a moment. First you must tell me, have you had any partners before?"

"None. I've never kissed anyone before." Link blushed. That last comment had come out unbidden.

"Ah. But you do converse with people regularly, do you not?"

"Yes, often."

"But you feel nothing?"

"Not really, no."

"And therein lies the problem."

"Which is?"

"I was about to explain."

"Sorry."

"There is nothing wrong with you, Link. What may the cause of your difficulty in starting a relationship is the fact that you do not desire simple companionship. You need something else, but you cannot place it. I think I can."

"What is it then? What do I need?"

"I'm speaking of sexual release."

"What?"

Raven cut in somewhat.

"Tell me Link, do you masturbate?"

"No!"

"Forgive me. It may sound strange, but I assure it's all an assessment of your possible condition."

"Forgive _me_, but I've never even met you, nor heard of you until this evening! How do I know you're not just some weird pervert?"

"You don't. You have every right to hang up. You even have the right to be suspicious and call the police."

Link was somewhat taken aback at what sounded, oddly enough, like a suggestion. Raven continued, his voice soft but strong as ever.

"But first allow me to finish my explanation."

"Yeah, sure, go on."

"Well, I believe the underlying fact may be that everywhere you go, you are forced into conversation with people, but offered nothing else. You see happy couples, but you yourself are offered nothing that can interest you. Subconsciously, you have no desire for a relationship, you wish for....other things. I can give you that. That's my job."

"Isn't that what prostitutes are for?"

"Yes, but there are several differences. For one thing, you can't just pick me up. Two, I can guarantee you medical safety. Third, I can also guarantee you an _experience_." Raven licked his lower lip, as he often did when speaking of these matters, "I can also offer you a closeness you wouldn't get with...others."

Link was starting to feel...weird. There was no other way to describe it. The part that scared him the most though, was that he was hanging on to this man's every word. Not only that, he believed all of it!

"Would you like to meet me?"

Link's heart raced.

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"So soon!?"

"Why not? I'm not busy. Are you?"

"No, I'm almost never busy. Tomorrow's...fine, I guess. Wait! H--how much do you charge?"

Raven chuckled.

"I'll come to your house. We'll talk. If you decide against my services," Link shivered at the word, "you can send me away and I'll charge you nothing. We'll figure it out then. There are numerous factors that will affect the price."

"Alright. What time will you be here?"

"How does 8pm sound?"

"That's fine. But I have work on Monday."

"I figured. I won't stay too late. Do you drink?"

"Yeah. Wine, usually."

"How does brandy sound to you?"

"Fine, but...I don't have any."

"You misunderstand me. I'd bring it over, I was merely checking if it was alright with you."

"Oh. That's fine. Actually, it would be very kind of you."

"It's never a problem. However, you must do me one favour. Not in exchange for the drink, but in general if you are to become a...client."

Link shivered again.

"What?"

"Wash yourself. No more than two hours before I arrive."

"That's easy enough. I shower every day, if that's what you're worried about."

"Oh no, no. I meant, wash yourself better than usual. It's a simple precaution, for health and comfort."

"Ah. Sure, I'll do that."

"Wonderful. But before I hang up, I need your address."

"Hm? Oh, yeah, of course!"

Five minutes later, Link had pulled a sweatshirt over himself and was drinking a hot mug of coffee. He had felt incredibly cold for the entire phone call, and it hadn't gotten any better when the call ended. Neither were the swearshirt nor the coffee helping. Link quickly realised what it was. Anxiety. He had accepted the (obviously questionable) services of a complete stranger who had managed to turn him on over the phone; a feat _very_ few people had achieved before now.

Though he doubted he would be able to, Link decided sleep would be best at this time. Before going upstairs he wrote himself a note, reminding himself to shower after dinner the next night, in case he forgot.

Twenty-five minutes later, just as he had lain down and pulled the covers over himself, did Link realise that he might, just might lose his virginity the next evening. His ceiling had never looked so interesting.

_TBC_


	3. First Encounter

Money Can Buy Happiness

Chapter 3

7.30 pm, Sunday night. Link felt as though he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. All he had done for the last half an hour was pace his living room, despite the fact that he swore his legs were going to give way at any instant. What would this Raven think if he found his 'client' collapsed in the middle of his own house? Link couldn't care less, actually.

The chills he was suffering – and the feelings that his bowels were being contracting – gave Link the urge to drink, but he talked himself out of it. The very last thing he needed was to be even slightly drunk when his guest arrived, particularly since said guest was bringing brandy.

20 minutes later, Link held a half-empty glass of wine in his hand.

_Shit._

The truth was, he hadn't even noticed himself getting the wine, only that he was now drinking it, and couldn't stop himself.

7.40 pm.

_Goddamn that clock!_

Link sighed out loud. Stopping his aimless pacing, he sat down in his favourite chair, an old, yet cushy armchair that faced the couch usually reserved for guests. Or rather, for his mother when she came to visit. Link didn't have guests, not even business guests.

On that note, he had vacuumed the couch that afternoon, just in case. Even so, as he sat, Link went over everything to do with Raven's visit in his head. Right after dinner he had showered, incidentally for the second time day, as habit dictated he shower right after getting up in the morning.

Now Link was decked out in a stylish pair of beige khakis, and had pulled on a favourite turtleneck of his. The dark purple contrasted brilliantly with his bright blue eyes, but it seemed everyone but him noticed.

His golden hair was neatly brushed and parted and it shimmered in the light emitted by his fireplace. Link never used that fireplace, but earlier attempts at using his house's heating system to warm him up had failed, so....

7.55pm

Five minutes.

_God, this is gonna be torture._

And yet, in that instant, the doorbell rang.

Link swallowed heavily. He set his glass on the small table in front of him and lifted himself out of the seat. Taking his sweet, sweet time, Link moved towards the door and turned the handle.

_What the hell--?_

A man, about Link's own height – no, _exactly_ Link's height – stood in the doorway, smiling at him. As the smile widened slightly, Link realized he was gawping…with his mouth open.

"S-sorry," he mumbled, closing it quickly.

"Link?" asked the man, extending a hand politely.

"Yes, yes. Raven?" Link shook the offered hand.

"Pleasure to meet you."

Link swallowed hard again.

"Please, come in. I'll take your coat and your…briefcase?"

Raven chuckled.

"Just some stuff you'll have to fill out if all goes well. Oh, and the brandy of course."

"Yes, of course," Link echoed.

Guiding his guest into the living room, Link motioned to the couch opposite his big, comfy chair. Raven slipped onto the couch with a dancer's grace. He just as gracefully crossed one leg over the other, put the tips of his fingers together and eyed Link over the top of them.

"So sorry I'm early," he remarked without a glance to the clock, oddly enough.

"It's alright. I've been ready for, well, a while," replied Link, who was sitting rigidly in his seat, trying – desperately – to eye Raven with the same confidence the latter displayed.

"Yes, first-timers are always ready ridiculously early. I usually arrive early the first or second times around."

Link thought he heard a tone of let's-get-this-over-with in Raven's voice at the mention of purposely coming early.

Raven had _no_ such intention.

A silence had fallen in the room. Link found it quite uncomforting. Raven, on the other hand, found it quite pleasing.

"So, where do we star—".

"Would you like a drink?" Raven leaned forward to open his briefcase and pulled out a bottle, "I assume you have glasses"

"Oh yes! I'll get a couple!" Link darted into the kitchen and searched his cabinets for two wine glasses. He possessed very few, and had to reach up to the highest cabinet to access the ones he did have.

As he was doing so, a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around his waist. Link froze, arm in the air, as a smooth chin rested itself in his neck.

"Nervous?" asked a cool, confident voice in his ear.

"No," replied Link, despite not having moved since feeling Raven's arms around him.

"Really? You look like you're scared shitless," was the reply, murmured softly, "You must be a virgin."

Link lowered his hands and tried to turn around sharply. It didn't work, he was held fast, and starting to get more than a bit frightened.

"How the hell can you tell?" nonetheless, Link managed to be indignant.

"Simple. No one who _has_ had sex before would be this nervous. You're obviously frightened. Frightened of what's going to happen, how it's going to feel, how you'll feel afterwards. It's rather unnecessary. I am technically in _your_ employ, therefore it's you who runs the show in what we do. I can only offer my _professional_ opinion."

"Which is?"

Raven spun Link around fast as lightning. The small of Link's back was pressing the edge of the counter, and both his hands were resting on it. Raven's face was right in his. The fact that he was leaning forward, whereas Link was doing the opposite, gave the illusion that Raven was taller. Link's heart was threatening to burst. It felt swollen. As did—

_What the _fuck

Raven pushed himself forward slightly, until their hips were touching. Link could smell mint on his breath, and tried to breath in properly without success.

"Why don't you go sit down?" asked Raven, "Let me get the glasses."

He removed himself from his precarious position and stood aside to let Link back through the kitchen. The latter took this opportunity to walk (run) back into the living room and sit himself down in his chair. He hadn't made eye contact with Raven on his way out and acted now as though the latter were still in front of him; namely, not looking up even when, moments later, his guest returned.

Link didn't look up as Raven uncorked the bottle. Nor did he when he heard the drinks being poured, or even when his glass was placed in front of him. Only when Raven was back in his seat, eyeing his brandy with exaggerated interest did Link blink again and move his glance from his exciting knees.

"How is it?" Raven ventured with obvious confidence.

"It's very good," Link tried to pretend nothing had happened, "It's rich."

"Isn't it, though?"

Link nodded fervently. Raven decided to put an end to the game. Link _did_ have to work early the next day.

"You liked that, didn't you?" Raven leaned forward on his elbows, eyeing Link with interest.

"Yes," Link nearly whispered it. The eyes holding him were like a powerful truth serum.

"I know you did," Raven had also dropped his voice, as thought there were other people listening, "I could _feel_ it."

Link knew _exactly_ what he was talking about. He blushed until his cheeks burned and turned his face into the seat, like a child trying to hide some guilt from on-looking parents. Raven sat back.

"Come here. Come sit by me," he gestured with his hand and set the brandy down.

Link knew he had brought this upon himself by inviting the man over, he had spent the whole day convincing himself that he wanted this rather than call back and cancel. So, now that his dread was being put into play, Link set his drink down next to Raven's and walked around the table to sit next to his guest.

"Link," said Raven, placing his arm around Link's shoulders, "I could seduce you completely in a matter of minutes if I had wanted to. No, that's not right, I _do_ want to. What I meant was, if it were proper. But it isn't. You're completely new to this, I figured that out for sure in the kitchen, and you hardly know me. So I won't do it."

Link's heart exploded with relief. Unfortunately, it turned his brain to complete mush, and he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Really? What if you just can't?" Link teased him.

Strong hands forced him down. Raven was on his knees and elbows above Link, cradling the latter's head and smiling wickedly. Link didn't dare move a muscle. He lay completely still.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I could," was the provocative reply.

"Yes," whispered Link for the second time.

"Yes," echoed Raven. His lips traced Link's forehead down to his chin without stopping. The fireplace finally started to give off some heat, Link realized. Or maybe it was just them. Nevertheless, it glinted off their hair and cheeks and Link started to writhe under the touch of his new friend.

"You're very beautiful," Raven whispered into Link's ear.

"I look exactly like you!" Link exclaimed.

"Hmm…you're right. How odd," Raven didn't really care though, he had just placed his lips on Link's neck and was preoccupied there for the moment. So was Link, incidentally. Raven had been right all along. Link desired nothing more at the moment than to throw his clothes off and have Raven do the same.

Raven could sense Link's desire, and pulled him upright.

"What…?" Link was dazed to say the least.

"Let's go upstairs. This couch is too thin, and the atmosphere isn't working."

"It's working fine."

"Not for me."

Obediently, Link let Raven stand him up and lead up the stairs to his bedroom. It wasn't very interesting, but the bed was large and comfortable. Link started towards it, slightly disgusted with himself to be so eager to get back to what had been happening. He managed to stop himself and force himself to turn.

Again, strong hands collided with his chest. Link was pushed backwards and, moments later, lay sprawled on the bed.

Pushing himself up on his elbows, he saw Raven standing at the end of the bed. The only light in the room was floating in from downstairs. Otherwise it was perfectly dark. Perfectly…sexy.

Balancing himself carefully, Raven lifted himself onto the bed and began to crawl towards Link. He was ineffably graceful, almost like a serpent as he pulled himself closer to the headboards.

…_like a serpent…_

A serpent stalking its prey.

And about to bite.

Raven's fingers dug themselves into Link's hair and held his head in confident hands.

"Let your body go limp," he murmured, "And don't think. Just feel."

Link let his head be supported completely by Raven's hands. He breathed deeply as his head was lowered and set onto the pillows. The breath against his face began to warm up as Raven neared it. Link lifted himself slightly.

"Limp."

Link lowered himself back down. The hands, which had by no means let go, tilted his head forward and Link licked his lips expectantly.

Raven's mouth met Link's with a jolt. Not a jolt of movement, the contact had as soft and smooth as everything before it, but a jolt of pure pleasure spreading itself through Link's body, to his limbs. It warmed him, soothed him, and at the same time, excited him beyond belief.

Extracting his hands from their current placement, Raven drew them across Link's chest and past his stomach. Link sighed audibly at this gesture, but otherwise didn't move. Slipping his fingers underneath the hem of the turtleneck, Raven pushed it upwards.

Link sat bolt upright. He stared straight into Raven's face, and the latter noticed he was sweating somewhat.

"Don't you worry," Raven said nothing more, but pressed two fingers to his forehead and forced him back down into the cushions.

Moving his fingers back down, Raven pushed the shirt all the way up to Link collarbone, leaving his entire chest cold, and exposed.

Though not hurrying, Raven didn't waste any time either. Gingerly, he set his lips square in the middle of Link's breastbone. Link shuddered and licked his lips, but said nothing.

Raven's hands and mouth moved in an, above all, arousing pattern across Link's chest. His tongue darted out to draw circles and his hands ran over whatever was left.

No matter what Raven said, Link couldn't stay still or limp any longer. Without even thinking, his hips lifted sharply and rested again. His legs on the other hand, would not stay still. They shifted and wriggled as though trying to disentangle themselves from something. Combined with Raven's skillful hands, it was almost a dance, so smooth.

Raven slid forward and pressed his thumbs to the bottom of Link's jaw, tilting the head upwards, so he could kiss the neck, passionately. Link bit his lip and reached up to pull the collar of his turtleneck down.

"Thank you," Raven spoke as though Link had done something as common as pouring him a drink. Link, on the other hand, was entranced by the feeling of the mouth moving against his neck that he giggled. The hairs rose on his neck; funny, because the kissing didn't tickle, only the words.

Pulling his head downwards, Raven set his lips against Link's once again, the skillful tongue slipping out to caress Link's, so to speak. Link didn't open his mouth, but Raven made the most of it anyways. He knew he could make Link give way, but if didn't want it now, then he would leave it.

Drawing his lips away, he moved back down to the taut body beneath him.

Link lifted his hands to Raven's shoulders and moved inwards to his lapels. Raven smiled knowingly and sat up. He undid the buttons on his white linen shirt and tossed it aside.

Placing his hands on either side of Link's head he stretched himself out and pressed their bodies together. Raven could feel Link's need and pressed his hips to the former's, slowly moving them up and down in a firm, rhythmic pattern.

Link's head turned from side to side, his lip was almost bleeding now. Any moment he thought he would have a seizure, but he wouldn't give it up.

Raven wasn't wholly opposed to teasing either. Lifting himself up and ducking down, he kissed one of Link's nipples. Link cried out and Raven was immensely pleased with himself. As a treat, he let his tongue dart out and roll itself slowly over the nipple. Link shoved one hand into Raven's chest and, less than a second later, was sitting up, right in Raven's face.

"How much!" he demanded.

"How much what?"

"How much for….a session?"

"$200 per hour, but I'll cover it this time."

"Done!"

"I'll call you."

* * *

Link watched through his living room window as Raven's car pulled out of the driveway and headed off in the rain and the night.

His arms folded across his chest, Link was contemplating his decision. Was this really a _good_ idea? Giving himself over to a complete stranger. A stranger who, as though the situation weren't bizarre enough, looked exactly like him no less.

No. He had made his decision. He would stick by it. Over and over he told himself, it would help.

* * *

Link slept better that night than he had in months.

Once he had gotten rid of one last problem that is.

Until that night, Link had never seen much use for cold water…

TBC


	4. Nine Long Months

Money _Can _Buy Happiness

Chapter 4

Link walked into his office the next day a different man. Not necessarily worse, but definitely different. It put his poor secretary in a very awkward position. Saria came up to the office six times before lunchtime, simply to ask Zelda incessantly if she knew what the matter was.

"He just seems so off, this morning," she always remarked.

"I _know_," Zelda was starting to lose her patience. Normally she wouldn't have, as Saria always wanted to know these things so as to help, but this time Zelda knew it was just to satisfy her aching curiousity. The blonde wasn't having any of it.

"At least _you_ don't work for him and have to hang around here all day!" she snapped.

"Yeah, you're right," Saria sounded apologetic. Zelda smiled.

"I feel so _sorry_ for you!" Saria patted her gently on the head. Zelda lowered hers.

"Just go back to your office, Saria, please! I'll be fine," Zelda shooed the younger woman away and returned to her paperwork, sighing gratefully.

* * *

Link sighed as well, from the office behind Zelda. He had been having a horrible morning. He couldn't look at himself in a mirror without blushing to his ears. Worse was that he didn't know whether it just himself, or the fact that looking _at_ himself constructed a picture of Raven in his mind. 

_God! He's like my friggin' twin!_

All in all, Link supposed that was a compliment to both of them. He had found Raven exceedingly handsome and alluring.

Then again, thinking _that_ made him blush even harder.

Sure, on the plus side he had had an _amazing_ night. And he had slept well too. But he had woken up fifteen minutes late and had to sacrifice his coffee and tie to make it work on time. He had also met Sheik on the way in. The latter had smiled knowingly at him. Or at least he _thought_ Sheik had smiled. It was always hard to tell. Sheik had this thing with coats and shirts that covered the lower half of his face.

The eyes had given him away. Link knew he had smiled. And frankly, it creeped him out.

Link's coworkers had several theories as to why this was. A deformity was the most common and the most likely. Anyone who knew Sheik was in therapy thought that had something to do with it.

Those people at the receiving end of Sheik's witty, and often 'smart-ass', remarks joked that he was actually a woman. Unfortunately for them however, Sheik favoured more or less tight pants; bell bottoms and the like. Therefore, any possibility of him being female was a joke reserved for the idiots.

* * *

Sheik knew that look. He had seen it on very few people, but it was always the same. 

Raven. Always, always Raven.

He was surprised that Link had taken his advice so to heart. Sheik had honestly expected _at least_ two weeks to go by without an appointment. But lo, it had only taken a day.

Sheik had smiled in spite of himself, and how much more uncomfortable he knew it would make Link.

The other tell-tale sign was being late for work the next day. Or, in Link's case, almost late. For Sheik it had just become a bad habit. He always shrugged it off.

Behind his shirt collar, Sheik had actually spent most of the morning laughing. A young lady named Saria worked just down the hall from him, and had been traveling up to Link's office for hours on end trying to figure what was wrong with him.

She and another woman, Malon, had been gossiping - or as they called it, worrying – about Link everytime she came back. Sheik almost considered going upstairs himself, just to see if he _was_ worse off than obvious. But he settled for a coffee and a trip to the bathroom instead.

* * *

Raven stepped out of his car and stared up at the large, beige building in front of him, two fingers on the rim of his sunglasses. 

Knowing that Link and Sheik, two of his favourite clients, both worked here had been too good an opportunity to pass up. He had even gotten himself out of bed early to be here by lunch. Raven loved to sleep late and it never made him uncomfortable that Louisa had a key to his house. As far as he was concerned, his life was _perfect_.

The only thing that could cause him discomfort was the fact that his newest client looked very much like himself. After all, he had always wondered whether…

Raven opened the first glass door in his path and made his way across the foyer to the elevators. He paused in front of the buttons.

He didn't know what floor Link worked on…

…but he was pretty sure Sheik worked on the third. Raven pressed the '3' gently and waited for the door to close.

As the elevator made its way up, stopping at both floors along the way, Raven hummed quietly to himself and tried to remember everything possible about Sheik. He hadn't seen Sheik in nine months, but Sheik wasn't a man you forgot easily.

Sheik had curious, or at least interesting, tendencies in the bedroom. For one, he had always preferred hands over lips everywhere but his face. But what had fascinated Raven the most about him was his similarities to a lethal predator on the hunt. He did absolutely nothing, which was fine with Raven, until a while in, when he would strike.

Strike with things that made even Raven bowl over with pleasure. So much so that Raven couldn't remember even one clearly. The thought would have made him blush, but he had gotten over that many years ago. It made him seem impenetrable to some, but his intimates knew better.

_Like Sheik._

Raven leaned his head back against the elevator wall, but had to snap back as it reached the third floor.

* * *

In an ironic attempt to calm himself, Link had drowned eight cups of his missed coffee since getting into work that morning. Zelda had gotten the first three for him, but out of guilt that he was bothering her, he fetched that last five himself. His secretary was grateful, but she hadn't really been getting annoyed. It was a slow morning. 

But now, eight cups of coffee were taking their due toll. It pissed Link off, but he knew it was his fault. Besides, thinking anything with the word 'piss' in it was _not_ helping.

"More coffee?" asked Zelda as Link passed her desk.

"Nope," Link managed through tight lips, "Bathroom."

"About time," she laughed prettily.

* * *

Sheik threw his empty coffee cup into the garbage, despite knowing that they were supposed to be recycled. But hey, there wasn't a recycling bin in the washroom, and he wasn't going back out just for that. 

Sheik relieved himself, and moved over to the sink. He gazed absentmindedly into the mirror, and thought of Link. Sheik figured it would be, well, friendly to go up to the fifth floor and see if he was alright. But Sheik also knew it was as much for his own sake as Link's. He had learned long ago to accept these perverted turns of selfishness. He could comfort Link at the same time.

Sheik smiled to himself and started towards the bathroom door.

* * *

_Godfuckingdammit!_

That was the worst profanity Link knew, but he needed it now. The fifth floor bathroom door was locked. He didn't know why, it just _was_. And he was seriously pissed off.

Screwing his face up determinedly, Link made a beeline for the elevator, gritted teeth all the way.

_I'll never drink coffee again. Ever._

He knew this wasn't true, and that the next morning he'd have his usual, but at the moment it seemed like the right thing to say.

* * *

There was no one in Sheik's cubicle. 

_How disappointing,_ though Raven. There was, however, a pretty red-haired girl standing not to far away. Perhaps she knew where he was.

Raven drew himself up and strode over to her.

"Excuse me, miss," He tilted his head and smiled. At first he had only used this face to flirt, but it had become habitual lately.

The red-haired girl turned.

"Oh, hello. It's Malon, by the way. Can I help you?"

"Malon. My apologies," Raven lulled the words out as usual, "I'm looking for a young man named Sheik. Is he here today?"

"Oh, yes, of course! He's always here. Well, technically he's in the washroom, but you know what I mean, right?" she was awestruck, and blabbering.

"Yes, of course. Thank you kindly for your help," Raven inclined his head and moved past her.

"You're very welcome," Malon smiled and waved as he past her.

Raven trudged along the hallway to the men's washroom, guided by small, overhanging signs. Pushing the door open, he stopped at the entrance and grinned.

* * *

"Raven!" 

Sheik crossed his arms in a display of outer confidence to hide his surprise.

Raven entered the bathroom, letting the door fall shut behind him and bowed deeply.

"Charmed, I'm sure," he answered in a voice he never used otherwise.

"What brings you here?" always the formal one – well, almost always – Sheik narrowed his eyes but kept his tone light.

"Why, you and Link, of course," Raven loved to mock Sheik when the latter put on his ridiculous 'perfect gentleman' premise.

"I knew it!" Sheik uncrossed his arms in favour of pointing accusingly at the man in front of him. Raven furrowed his brow.

But Sheik laughed. He couldn't really be mad at Raven; they weren't lovers after all. Raven could do what he liked.

"I saw his face this morning. The same face that everyone else has, and I knew it was you."

"What face is this, exactly?" It was Raven's turn to cross his arms and tilt his head and wait for an answer.

"The face that your patients make in a public place after their first night with you. I've seen it before, and this morning I saw it on Link. That face."

Raven smiled knowingly, though he had never accompanied any of his patient's to a public place early in the morning and had thus never seen the face in question.

"But tell me, Sheik; how have you been since we last met? Nine months, wasn't it? And your still wearing those ridiculous turtlenecks to cover your face."

"Why not?" was the challenging reply.

"Makes you look dangerous," Raven saw Sheik lift a knowing eyebrow and added, "Not _that_ kind of dangerous. The bad kind."

"Does it really?"

"It does. Quite."

Raven walked briskly over to where Sheik was standing and kissed his mouth through the fabric, one hand pressing into Sheik's back.

"Has anything else changed?" Raven made sure to pull away to avoid fabric getting in his mouth.

"I don't think so," Sheik's eyelids lowered, daring Raven to do something dastardly in the office bathroom.

Raven's free arm tugged the collar down then moved to cup Sheik between the legs as his mouth pressed to Sheik's again, open-mouthed this time, as there was nothing to get stuck to his tongue.

Well, nothing except Sheik's own. In fact, that was guaranteed.

Sheik squirmed comfortably in Raven's grip and moved his hands to grip Raven behind the head and pull him closer.

"Have _you_ changed? I hope you didn't miss me too much," Sheik had this _thing_ for trying to provoke Raven teasingly.

"Nope. I'm still an animal," Using strength unapparent in his lean arms, Raven lifted his left arm, the one cupping Sheik, and subsequently the latter into the air for a brief moment.

"Ah…!" Sheik's eyelids fluttered. His knees buckled when he touched the ground again, but he managed to straighten himself on his own.

"Don't _do_ that," Sheik folded his arms again and stared at Raven.

"Why not? Afraid someone might notice a difference when you walk back to your desk? Or was nine months just not long enough for you?"

Sheik wrinkled his nose in disgust but could think of nothing to say.

Raven walked away and leaned against a wall.

"So, what do you do here, exactly?"

"I work in the financial department. I help manage the company's budget."

"No wonder you like to haggle so much."

"Oh please! 200 an hour is a ridiculous price for sex!"

"Not for mine." Raven grinned at Sheik, who hadn't moved from his spot, a good 3 metres away.

"_Any_ sex." Sheik said in a tone of finality.

"Why should you care about that anyways? You managed to have it put under medical insurance, you little weasel."

Raven didn't change tones no matter what he talked about. Or rather, he never raised his voice. Besides, he wasn't trying to insult his former client, and Sheik knew it.

"What can I say? I'm good at what I do."

"So am I. I deserve everything I make."

"Are you _really_ trying to seduce me in a public washroom?"

"Why not? If we use a stall, nobody has to know."

Sheik looked away for a few seconds, considering, then walked briskly back to the stall he had just used and motioned to Raven. The latter smiled, removed his hands from behind his head and followed, locking the door.

"Surprisingly roomy, isn't it?" he remarked, looking down into Sheik's eyes.

"It is," said Sheik indifferently.

Raven kissed Sheik again. It was as though nothing had changed. Admittedly, neither of them looked very much different, but nine months is a long time, particularly if you've been celibate. Nonetheless, a feeling of routine returned. The stall even had the heavy air of the room Sheik and Raven had always retired to. Not nearly as fragrant, of course, but the feeling was more or less the same.

As though in a meditative routine, Raven began moving his hips to an imaginary rhythm, in figure eights. Receding, then coming back to push against Sheik's.

Sheik licked his lower lip, then bit it. Raven held Sheik's back, pulling him towards the repetitive movement(1). He licked Sheik's lip for him. Everything was going perfectly.

Sheik began to move against Raven, though not the way the latter wanted.

"What's wrong?" he breathed into Sheik's ear.

"Something's different. Other than the location, I mean."

"Oh."

Raven promptly grabbed Sheik's wrists and slammed them into the stall's wall, somewhat above his head.

"Better?"

"Lovely."

* * *

Link was entertaining numerous, exotic ways to kill the janitors. _Both_ bathrooms on the fourth floor were closed. One, apparently, was flooded; they had had to block the bottom of the door to prevent flooding the offices. The other, well, it had to be some horrible joke. It was _locked_, and he had to piss, _badly_. That's all he knew for sure. 

He was now in the elevator, on the way to the third floor, desperately trying to keep his mind of anything even remotely liquid-like. The man who came in with the water-bottle wasn't helping.

_I'm going to die here,_ Link thought. _I never dreamed it would end this way. How pathetic!_

Then the door opened. If only the Olympics had been taking place, Link would have taken gold for the 200m sprint. Half the people on the floor didn't even see him go by.

* * *

"Curse toilet paper for being so thin!" 

"Hm? What's that?" Raven looked up from where he was crouched, about halfway down Sheik's back.

"Well, if it was stronger we could use it as rope."

"Mm." Pulling away from the small of Sheik's back, Raven stood slowly up once more, drawing his hands up Sheik's front and catching some hair in his mouth in the process.

On second thought… 

Raven redirected his hands downwards and undid the button on Sheik's pants.

"And I dared to think you were joking," murmured the latter, sighing.

"When did I give _any_ indication that this was a joke?"

"Mmmm…"

Sheik jerked and breathed in sharply as Raven began to stroke in short, hard movements. Reaching behind himself he grabbed Raven's head as though holding on for dear life.

Then the bathroom door swung open and slammed into the wall.

* * *

In a second it was all over. 

_Safe, _thought Link. _And people think they have to go to Niagara to see the falls! Damn._

With a sigh of relief he made his way to the sinks.

And nearly had a heart attack, as he heard;

"The _hell_ was that?" from one of the stalls.

"Oh my God! Raven! What the f—"

But Raven had recovered his composure as swiftly as he had lost it. In an instant he had glided out from the stall as a perfectly cordial gentleman.

"Good morning," said he, with a grin.

Link's mouth was still on the floor.

"_What_ are you doing here?"

"Visiting an old friend."

Until that moment, Sheik had been successfully slinking away. Now he really had no choice but to turn back and make some excuse.

Damn you, Raven! 

"Hello, Link. Don't you work on the fifth floor?"

"Yeah, well, but, the doors…I mean the bathrooms…both floors…_something_…."

Why was he here again? Sex, right? No! Bathroom. Coffee. Yeah. Too much sex. No—coffee! Bah! 

"I have to go!" Biting his lip, Link made his way through the door. Sheik followed before it had even swung shut again.

* * *

_Well, _thought Raven to himself as he drove out of the parking lot, _I now know what floor Link works on._

So, in short, it had been a relatively well-to-do morning.

TBC

* * *

(1) To the author, it was 'Music' by Madonna.

* * *

Well there you go Thana'al. Happy? 


End file.
